What is Rupture and Repair in Counselling?
Ruptures are the breakdown of a relationship or alliance. They are an inevitable part of being in relationship and therefore are an inevitable part of the relationship between client and Counsellor. Ruptures may occur in therapy due to the Counsellor failing to grasp how important something is for you e.g., they are not able to recognise, understand or engage with your emotions, they may fail to offer empathy, offer unwanted advice or intervention, or change the topic. Clients bravely share vulnerable and wounded parts of themselves with the Counsellor, so this is understandably upsetting.
Hopefully the Counsellor will notice a misalignment has occurred and will seek to name it either immediately or within the next session and encourage an open discussion about how that felt for you and what you may want or need differently. This is called repair work and is a powerful way for a Counsellor and client to strengthen their relationship and build a mutually respectful and trusting bond. However, on occasions a Counsellor may be unaware that a rupture has occurred, or they may not have the confidence or awareness to address the rupture with you. This can be even more upsetting and can deepen wounding in the relationship as you continue to feel unseen, unheard, and misunderstood. Rupture without repair can cause stagnation in a client’s progress, unhealthy relationship dynamics and create a sense of unsafety which perpetuates harmful habits and patterns and/or mirrors past experiences.
There can be a sense of empowerment or a breakthrough if a client decides to raise their concerns with their Counsellor however the responsibility on a client to instigate repair work can also trigger past trauma, create new relational trauma, cause anxiety, stress, avoidance, withdrawal and eventually the breakdown of the relationship. A Counsellor should be able to respond without defence whilst holding you with empathy and be committed to understanding your feelings, perspective and communicating this understanding with you in a way that you can hear and receive. Therapeutic relationships are a co-creation and Counsellors can offer an experience of healthy rupture and repair. Providing you with the respect and dignity that you deserve and may have been lacking from your previous professional or personal relationships.
During my work with clients, I make an effort to respond to any misalignment or rupture that I sense, I offer regular check-ins and encourage feedback within sessions to ensure that we are always working within your best interests. However, I do sometimes make mistakes and cannot always get it right, that is an inevitable part of our humanity. I know that offering feedback can be scary, I recognise this and the brave steps that some of us must take to voice ourselves. Your needs are important, your voice is a gift, and your feedback will be honoured. Rupture does not need to mean the end, if handled sensitively and with integrity it can be the beginning of something new.
Art by Babushkina_Irra